Pathetic Advertisement of Myself.

 I should start out by saying (and this should be glaringly obvious already) that I am in rare form today.  Tomorrow is the first day of a five, count them five, day weekend for me and I'm feeling a little scrappy.  It's a hoot. Hallelujah for Independence Day (not the movie, the day- the movie creeped me out.)

So, some of you may remember a day when I used to write a blog pretty much every day.  Oh man those were fun times.  Then I started working and had a mid-life crisis and almost died three times in one year... and the list goes on and on and on some more.  So, I stopped writing.  For a long time.  And ever since I have said "Oh, I'm going to start writing again..." and blah blah b.l.a.h.  Well folks, this is IT.

I have been approached a couple of times by a social networking site for bloggers.  They too think I should get back on the horse.  (My words, not theirs.)  They thought it was awesome that I had 10,000 blog hits that one time.  They want me to do it again so they can create a cash cow.  So, since I  have a laid back summer with only three kids rather than my usual 17,000 I think I should too.  And then I'll get really famous and they'll fly me all over the country for the big blogger conventions and I'll get swag and I'll have little advertisements in my margins that pay me money and it'll be AWESOME.  Oh, wait a sec... I mean, it'll be really fun to document the funny happenings of my life for all of you to read.

There's a lot of you that always tell me you want me to do the blog thing again.  And some new friends that claim you log into your facebook just to see the funny postings I've made.   I'm talking to you ladies... (and you too to the 2.5 men that read my crap).  It's time to put your money (not really) where your mouth is and support me in this little venture.  It's going to take you a few seconds to subscribe as my follower on here once I get everything set up and that'll be that.  Then, if you really do read my craptastic musings, you can comment every now and again and prove that you're a real person and not 54 different accounts I've set up myself to make it look like I have followers.  Get it?

Please don't do that now.  I am going to come up with a FABULOUS-O new name and switch blog hosts since this one is the K-Mart of hosts and then I'll do some tweaking(not to be confused with tweeting).  Once that's done, I'll have a grand opening and we'll have a party and cocktails and celebrate.  It'll be super.

Oh- and if you're my mother or my mother-in-law... just pretend you never read this because it makes me nervous when I swear like a sailor and talk about sex and know that you're reading it.  Just don't ever talk to me about this again.  OK?  ok.

Now, I have to go come up with a name.  I'm thinking jabber jaws.  Or lady jabber jaws.  (My cousin used to call my Grammy this when we were little because she jabbered all the time.  It'll be like a tribute to her.  hahahaahaha)
Seriously, I need help with a whitty, quippy, cut to the quick name. Any ideas?  Maybe I'll share my swag with you once I get some as your reward.  Maybe.

we don't need no stinking helmets

I was a little conflicted today about the oh so important topic of bicycle helmets.  I know I'm really going out on a limb by admitting this, but my kids rarely wear their helmets.  They really only ride on our quiet, kid-friendly street where a total of 42 children ride bikes from  sun up to sun down sans helmet and so far no one has spilled their brains on the sidewalk.  Anytime they venture further that that, they are expected to put theirs on or else!  (ahem. uh-huh.right.)

This is how it all began...
Some people I know asked me a couple of questions about helmets for my kids, and I quietly started to seethe regarding the neurotic nature of {some people}.  Would they send their children through life in a freaking bubble if it were legal in all 52 states?   Good grief!  Then I realized that maybe I should pop a Midol  and investigate why I had such strong feelings about the subject.

So what else is a girl to do when life's haunting questions need to be answered?  Post a facebook poll, of course.  Duh.  I was a bit surprised at the responses I received.  Not so much by the unanimous response of "HELL YES YOU WEAR THE HELMET!" but more at who some of the "hell yeses"  came from.

Here's something you may not know about me yet: I am a super, to a fault, laid back mom.  I don't stress over skinned knees, broken arms, 104 degree fevers or kids that sing along to the radio and know that certain songs bleep out the word bitch.  "The world is a big, nasty place and you might as well learn some of the pitfalls while you're under the safe, cozy warmth of my wing." is my unspoken motto.  Apparently up until today I didn't stress over head injuries either.

But, I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  So I'm reading my facebook replies and remembering previous conversations about the ever-loathed (at my house) bicycle helmet and getting kind of pissed- not at the responses, but at something that was just bugging me, making me question myself.

Here's something else you may not know about me:  I hate, no, HATE moms/parents that act or believe certain ways because that is the "good *perfect* mom" thing to do. Those moms that put themselves on a 2-year waiting list for the best preschool when they can hardly afford their groceries each month because that will put them in the {good family} group just make my skin crawl. Similarly so, moms that make their kids wear bike helmets because they are afraid of what the other moms will think of them equally give me hives around my neck.  (seriously, i'm itching right now just thinking about them.)  I think I was worried about being one of those moms.

So I was getting that itchy feeling all while I'm just "listening" to some women that I really respect tell me why they want their kids to wear helmets, growing more and more itchy.  WHY??  (Aside from the aforementioned "lunar cycle" that we won't talk about again.)  I'm ranting and raving about how much our kids hate the helmet and it would totally change pedaling around the 5-house-radius they are allowed to ride for them, and they are too hot in the summer and blah blah blah and...  Then Mr. Know-It-All chimes in with his cut to the quick logic that always gets me.  "If your kids had an accident tomorrow and became vegetables you'd kill yourself."  Well shit.

Taking a moment to truly ask myself why I was feeling so pissy about said helmet, I had to admit this one, gut-wrenching truth to me:  I know my kids need to wear the damn thing, but I am too lazy to fight the fight.  So I  turn to Mr.  Know-It-All (I honestly say that in a good way) and say, "So, we're deciding right now that our kids have to wear their helmets no matter what then, huh?"

YEP.

{Thanks friends, for saving my kids' brains!)